Why are dads always secondary?

I was a little surprised when I could hardly notice Father’s day passing by last month, at least in comparison with the hype that Mother’s day had created across social media the month before. Motherhood is of course a celebrated status, but tell me why?! Yes, the mother carries the baby in the womb, undergoes the pain of so many number of bones breaking and does much more after the baby is born through the child’s lifetime. Perhaps, if men were biologically capable of bearing a child, they would have endured these stages as well, don’t you think so?

My grandfather used to get down one stop before the actual bus stop to save 50p a day; he had a big family to take care of. My dad used to ride 60 km everyday for his work; he had little children to look after. So are millions of men across the world bearing the weight of family burdens. They brush aside insults and boredom at work places so as to sustain their jobs; they stand in the school admission queue for several hours; they work those few extra hours to be able to spend for their children’s school vacation; they relentlessly plan and invest for their children’s future and they constantly want the best of everything for their children. At least most dads do!

Why are they then mercilessly given the secondary parent recognition?!

Dad thinks

As a dad, if you’ve ever felt secondary to your wife in parenting or even jealous of her prestigious status and felt like banging your head to know the why, the what and the how of this unfair superiority , here are a few inputs from my brain. This is only a compilation from my observation of parents around. There might be much more that men lack as fathers or, on the brighter side, I could be wrong in one or more of my points. However, before you read on, do remember that you are too one among those humans who glorify your mothers a little more than your fathers 🙄

First, clean up Vs. I don’t smell anything

When the child is born, neither the mother nor the father can be an experienced parent. However, in no time, the mother becomes an expert in changing diapers, bathing the baby, feeding and reading the signs. Yes, she is closer to the baby for longer hours than the dad. Yet, do dads take that effort to learn babyology in the first few months? As a dad, how many times have you preferred to escape from cleaning and changing diapers? How many times have you acted you smelled nothing? Do you think a mother can ever sit in peace once she smells something? Even if she is in no mood to do the cleaning, she’s definitely going to get it done before she can remain calm. She can never act smelling nothing. No, dads are not irresponsible but given a chance, they prefer to pass their responsibility to the moms.

OMG! Vs. When did it happen?

Bet me, a new mother would have sometime checked if her sleeping baby is still breathing, for once at least. I am not sure if it’s instinctive, but mothers are a little more sensitive and attentive to what’s happening with the babies. Even while sound asleep, a mother can sense if the baby has wet the bed and would spring up to change the clothes. How many times have you remained unrealized that your baby playing close to you has wet his pants until your wife gave you that weird OMG look while you turned around and wondered, ‘But when did it happen?’ Whether it’s nature’s problem or genes’ error, men do not exhibit the capability of attention to detail of the babies in par to women.

No, you’re not doing it Vs. Everything’s fine, baby

Don’t you feel ‘it’s alright’ when the kid spills milk on the couch? Even if you don’t, you think you can do nothing about it until you hear the mommy of the home run screaming towards the two of you. In most families, the mommy would have laid out a set of rules for the kids – no spilling, no dirtying, no breaking. However, the daddy hardly takes it seriously, let alone the kids. Whether children need to be disciplined or not is a different debate. But you dads tend to take this subject more lightly than the moms who actually get vigorous in training habits to the kids.

Yes, I know Vs. Ask your mom

Ask your mother

As a father, you might know which school your son goes to and fairly how’s he doing overall. However, do you know when his next vaccination is due? If he is down with fever, do you know which medicine to give him and how much? If he asks you whether you’ve seen his toy dump truck’s wheels, do you know which toy he’s talking about? Not an exaggeration but not many fathers do. It might sound trivial to dig into every little detail of your children. But it does really feel great when you spend enough time and bonding with your children instead of referring, “Ask your mom,”  every time you lack an answer to their questions. This is something moms excel in terms of parenting. They know who their school friends are, they know where to look for the lost toy wheels and they exactly know what their dialogues are in the school drama.

child running to dad

Nevertheless, should all this belittle his fatherhood?

Certainly no! Nothing is lesser to a dad’s love and care even if he doesn’t behave like a mom. Dads have unique capabilities too which mothers might be lacking; ironically those we never speak of. Their contribution to the children’s lives may sometimes lie behind the scenes which even their children might fail to notice until they grow up. There are a number of single dads and stay-at-home dads who have replaced the roles of mothers brilliantly. To all such dads, this post loves you! Also, to rest of the dads who sacrifice, struggle and carry yourselves against all odds for the sake of your families and children, know that life respects you.

Every time I watch H and my son having fun together, I see a new side of parenting which moms are not aware of. May I bring it all in my next post? Please bookmark this page and come back if you want to know how daddying can be made interesting .


Photo Courtesy

Header image: goodmenproject.com

Dad thinks: www.cbmw.org

Ask your mother: memegenerator.net

Father’s love: markdejesus.com

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