During those days when my son was still an infant, I perceived him as the personification of all the goodness in the world. Why, that’s in fact every parent would feel toward their little ones! However, as I keep growing in parenting, I certainly understand that several influences along his path shall shape him to a man of a unique set of attitudes, values and opinions, as how everyone of us have indeed grew up to, today. While a few of his influences could be in my hands, most others I might not be even aware of. It’s a difficult truth to be accepted but that’s an integral wisdom we must gain during the course of parenting. Yet, if there should be a few need-to-imbibe values I wish for him, especially for the kind of world he will be facing in the coming years, here they are:
#1 Learning to be assertive
As a child, though I would know the answer for a question that our class teacher would ask us, I would remain in a dilemma if I should answer it, only to regret later when a fellow classmate would have answered it. During casual discussions with people, in spite of stating a valid point, my words would most often get ignored. I am unsure whether it is a matter of believing myself or self-confidence or assertiveness. It took several years before I could learn to be assertive as the way I am today. I consider that being assertive adds a respectable element to one’s personality, not only in the eyes of others but to ourselves, as well. Feeling self-worthy, feeling at peace with oneself, finding clarity in thoughts, words and action – I believe all of these are merely branches of being assertive. And I wish my son to learn or rather, have a natural adaptation to it, right from his early days. There may come hundreds of life situations which may potentially put his ideas down or make him less competent in spite of his talents. During all such times, it is being assertive that can help him to walk out in ease without struggle. Mostly, I want him to cherish the feel-good-factor that this quality can impart him over everything else it can give. At the same time, I want him to know the line where assertiveness can turn into arrogance, so that he doesn’t fall into the later pit.
#2 Learning to be tolerant
I want him to learn tolerance not because I lack it but because I do have it at a reasonable level. 9 out of 10 day-to-day casual talks that I have with others will have the complain factor from them – about people, their behaviour, their intentions, their ideas and in general, about life situations. During my growing-up years, I hardly felt a need to pin point to others. Definitely, I did not have the acceptance to every body and everything else around me. However, I had the tolerance to at least see, listen and understand what others were and what they were not. Apart from the amiable relationships it gave me with others, it helped me to be at peace with myself. And certainly I want my boy to be at peace with himself. He may to have meet other cultures and adapt to some discomforts. Training himself to be tolerant, he shall not have an unpleasant junk munching all the time at the back of his head. Again, I am not in favour of too much tolerance where it can turn to a sacrifice. I don’t believe in meaningless sacrifices and I want him to understand the right tolerance threshold he needs to carry, well unless he decides to become a monk 🙂
#3 Learning to be content
I don’t know if one can actually learn to be content. Perhaps, it is a quality that comes subtly without effort. Of course, goals, dreams and desires do take us to next levels in our lives. However, an underlying contentment factor is necessary to keep them from overpowering our very existences. I grew up realizing this fact and at times when I lost track of my contentment, I felt like a lost wandering soul with empty desires, until I could regain my sensibility. I wish my little boy remains content all the time. No matter what he is destined to fulfill in the future and how far he is required to run to behind it, may he be inspired by the warm feeling of contentment from deep within him. Again, something valuable to help him to be at peace with himself!
All of these values, I hope shall help him be at peace with himself.
That’s exactly what I want him to cherish ultimately, from life!
Posted by Chaitali Bose Bhattacharjee
Mom’s wish for her son – childparenting.about.com
Values that Mom gives her son – womenpain.com
Mon hugging grown up son – www.huffingtonpost.com