X for (e)X Life – Life before motherhood

Yes, I’ve written and cried enough in the last few days as though I am suffering from motherhood disorder 😆 What now is yet left to write about motherhood? So, let me tell you about my life before motherhood.

I could cook if I wanted to.

I am bored of cooking; I could call the husband.

We could go out for dinner at 10 in the night.

I could sleep till afternoon.

I could reach bed early morning.

I could eat without washing my hands,

I could eat even without brushing my teeth.

I could pick a broken biscuit piece from the floor to eat.

I could stuff a chocolate wrapper wherever I  wanted to.

I could……

How does it feel to read something like the above – solitary statements (instead of a continuous paragraph)? Yes, it does carry meaning but it feels disengaging, isn’t it? That’s exactly how life was before motherhood. I have slept on the sofa with a book on my head and lights turned on till the next morning. There were days when we skipped meals, forgot all about food or simply didn’t care about eating. Once, dinner didn’t strike us until 11 pm. We had to search for late night home delivery food services and finally the pizza boy knocked our door at 12. I wouldn’t proudly justify that I lived my life the way I wanted to. As a matter of fact, I lived without a way to do it then. Life before motherhood didn’t have a structure. It didn’t have a system. It had most of the essential ingredients of life. Yet, it wasn’t right somewhere.

When the two of us were at home, home could still be quiet. Sometimes, we hardly realized there was another person at home. The television could be going on. One could be on Whatsapp. One could be on Facebook. One could be on a call. One could be playing a video on laptop. One could be cooking. One could be with a book. But, throughout we might not have heard a word from the other. Sometimes, it just didn’t feel like two.

Now, trying to complete one sentence across to each other takes a few minutes, (inspite of not having a television at home) amidst the intervening questions, rhymes, noises and squeals. Food is more important than ever as my baby is dependent on my feed. It is not even the last thing that can skip from my mind. I can only sleep if both my children are asleep. There has never been a time when they were awake and me sleeping. I cannot pick something from the floor to put it into my mouth. I can’t even breathe unsound words and gestures. They are watching me. I cannot step out of home without planning, I cannot speak over the phone heartily, I cannot……

But it feels like a family! It feels like a home. It feels like a honey comb of love at the centre built around with care, discipline and prayers. That’s what children do in families. They bind solitary statements in to an engaging flow of tales. So, now you know why I have so much to write about motherhood, don’t you? 🙂

What comes to your mind about your life before motherhood or fatherhood? Please share in the comments below, we’ll check if were riding the same boat.