I Have No Clue of Where I am Going, Do You?

I least expected to land up as a pilot after having spent 6 years in IIT – Destiny has its own twists and turns!

My situation was bad that time, I couldn’t help ditching her – Probably we were not destined to be!

I was averse to hospital all my life. Strangely, I met my husband for the first time in a hospital, when I was forced to accompany my friend to that hospital. – I should say it was all destiny’s play that brought me there!

If I hadn’t taken that offer 4 years before, I wouldn’t have missed him in my life, also I couldn’t have stood this high in my career at this young age -Destiny gave me one and took off another !

I’ve been often listening to such statements lately and this post is a direct reflection of my recent chats and conversations with those people mostly in their late 20s and early 30s.

I find a unique importance about this period in life. All through the years, you run, play, laugh, cry, shout, explode – in matters of study, work and relationships and then there comes a point:

When you know certain things were never in your hands – never!

When you know every laugh, every cry, every shout has to come to end – one day!

When you know your days have to and will move on – no matter what!

When you know it’s all about getting over and starting all over – again and again!

When you know it’s only time that can unveil your – destiny!


Amongst the 50 odd paintings I’ve made, there was one common theme I often was fond of doing again and again. A long road with trees on both sides – as what you can see from this collage above of my paintings done during the various phases of my life spanning from school days to the recent times – Perhaps a subconscious picturization of my life’s journey! I couldn’t think of any picture fitting better than this one here 🙂

Some of us plan for something ahead, fix a time frame to acheive something, work hard to get to their desired destination – be it a relationship, salary package, power or position – and the outcome matches exactly the level of effort we’ve put into it. Yet, for some of us, no matter what and how we try, there’s always a ‘No entry’ pop-up in front of all our plans.

Sometimes we receive a magic parcel on our hands of what we’ve been praying for and at other times the praying hands remain empty no matter how hard the praying lips try.

There are times when we know what we want, what to focus and there are other times we have no clue of where to go.

Some of us, though we get to our target, all that has remained at the end might be only frustration. And there are some of us who has never ever got what we desired, yet there remains a fulfillment from within.

Some of us believe in ‘man creates his own destiny’. Some of us believe in ‘man has no control over his destiny’ and yet others believe in neither. There are chances that the people who follow the first, fail to create their destiny and equal possibility for the latter to control their life paths.

These confusing lines were just to reiterate the ‘n’ possibilities of permutations and combinations of life occurences 😉

Yes, coming back to the late 20s to the early 30s – I find people beginning to vaguely introspect for a pattern in their journeys when they reach this phase.  And what remains to most of them is uncertainty that makes them scream this way:

“If all that we plan perfectly, gets missed out perfectly, then can somebody please tell us how the bloody hell life operates?”

Don’t expect too much out of my stupid little brain. It doesn’t have an answer either 🙁 I only wanted to tell you all that if life has ever prompted you to yell out this way, then please feel good that you are not alone. I see increasing number of people in the recent times trying hard to decode the destiny codes laid out for humans. If the myth about the evolution of human consciousness by the year 2012 becomes a reality, probably we might find some clues about where we are going.

Discussions, questions and opinions are highly appreciated (if you’ve understood so far what the hell this stupid little brain was buck-bucking) 😆

0 Replies to “I Have No Clue of Where I am Going, Do You?”

  1. Sridhar used to often tell me – no one ‘deserves’ anything – be it good or bad. That is, say, if everything about you is good – and many bad things happen to you. You may think that you dont deserve it. But look at bad things like lessons – lessons that are to be learnt. I went through a lot of trauma in the past months. I needed to learn something from it. To build your mental strength.
    Good thing about the so called ‘bad’ incidents is that there arises an urge in you to seek the reason for why it happened. As Sridhar used to say ‘to come in to terms with the bad happenings – accept them and be ok with them. Face them as how a third person would react when you tell your experiences to them. Be neutral. The urge makes you seek for the truth and the truth lies mostly inside you. It is good to sit silently and think more about the bad things that happened to you and meditate over them and you may find why it happened. More than finding the truth you may find yourself. Know thyself as many greeks would say.

    I am writing all this not because I follow these things. But I am trying to……

    Nandhu….dont be hard on yourself by calling yourself a stupid little brain. You have brought out something to think about.

    Have fun!

    You Know who

    1. Wo! The writer in you exploding! That was a nice thought flow and glad with your introspection. We’ve been with each other through our ‘yelling out’ phases and yes we learn and move on.

      //Nandhu….dont be hard on yourself by calling yourself a stupid little brain//

      Actually that was a joke. You made it serious and making me feel nowas if my brain is really s-t-u-p-i-d 🙁

      Yes I know who 🙂

  2. Hi Nandhini

    As you told in this blog ‘ Stupid little brain’, I dont know how this brain has such creativity in it. Really its a boon to have such creativity!!!!!!!

    This blog makes us think so much about our ‘Aims’, ‘wishings’ and ‘Goals’ which we were thinking and dreaming of from our childhood days. But you have told not to think about it a lot. So i will not think about it.

    Although, it is such a question which will stay in our mind throughout the life. 🙂 Hope everyone enjoys that confusion 😉


    1. Did I dig my pit calling myself a little stupid? Its highlighted in all the feedbacks 🙁 Actually the secret is that though my brain is little stupid I roam around with people of big geniuses and that’s where I get all my inspirations from 😆

      //Although, it is such a question which will stay in our mind throughout the life//

      One thing Ive noticed with people who cross 35 is that they’ve got much more accustomed to the randomness than the late 20s to early 30s. And though the situation remains the same, they’ve stopped thinking about where they are going. So for most people I’ve observed this restless question haunts no more than 35.

      //Hope everyone enjoys that confusion//

      No doubt 😉

      Thanks Shwe for all your time!

    1. Yes Anto, these are words inside many many of us, waiting for an answer, for eternity. Thanks a lot. The Tamilnadu Vs Bihar wedding post of yours was an interesting read.

    1. A popular statement though I don’t see it doing justice to our attitudes. Just moving on with blind acceptance is like choosing to kill our passions every other moment. The good side is that it helps us to come out of the rut we’ve been caught into. Even quotes have their own destinies – how to reach and change people 😉

      Thanks Arpana for your time!

  3. nandu….the topic you chose is very philosphical one…
    what u have written everbody’s mind at some point of life it ponders.
    Actually agree to some points of what you have written about destiny but for me personally more than destiny i believe that it is God who takes me ahead of my life always.I feel whatever is happening in my life is according to will of my God(Jesus Christ).
    So i am not much scared or confused or puzzled that what will happen in future or where i am going to……….,as in Bible its written “everything happens for good for those who believe Him(God) as we are His children..”.(Romans 8:28)
    so i am quite confident in Him and will like to tell u all that give submit lives to God and believe Him and you will know where u r going….

    thanks nandu because ur blog had made me feel more secure for my life and made my faith more strong in God.

    All the best…..

  4. hi nandu
    i didnt get ur response towards my comment but i want to add some more things….which i have forgotten before to write.

    First i want to give you compliment that your paintings are very beautiful and there’s always something on that scene on which we can have many imaginations and thoughts…sply of 2007 and 2009…where roads are lonely and in one where one girl is going and on this i want to add or put one link which you can read and will feel very good….


    Tell me how it is….personally i was very much touched by that story.

    Carry on nandu…good work…

    1. Touched by your generous comments. I didn’t realize my buck bucking can take people till the heights of quoting biblical verses 🙄 Loved your faith in God! If only we have it 100% through every passing-by moment, there will indeed arise no question of where we are going. Trusting in divinity without reservations is the only thing which can take us beyond our hopes and fears. Be blessed!

      The link was a good one. Though an age-old one, everytime I re-read it leaves a special feeling. Thanks for taking time to sharing it here.

      Thanks for all the words!

  5. Nandhu,

    I liked all your paintings, reflecting your thought process over a period…..

    As for the post, since Iam not as good as you’re in philosophy, I have ‘n’ number of questions yet to be answered…..

    You’re getting better with every new post of yours! Congrats….

    1. Did you really mean me being good in philosophy??? I doubt 😉

      But then it puts me to a wonder these days to realize how I landed on to science when what’s innate in me is actually a philosopher. And this is the true discovery I’ve made after years in science. But one thing for sure, science is definitely not independent of philosophy – igniting my grey cells for a new post now 😆

      Thanks Hari and will definitely count on every comment of your’s too!

  6. Nandhini,
    I dont blog or do any sort of writing other than my official emails. But this post makes me write this note of thanks to you to help me realise that I am not the only one who feels lost ,out of focus and always trying to chase my own tail, trying to find a pattern in my life and strain my eyes to look out for that elusive destiny.
    Thanks again 🙂


    1. Feeling lost is just one of the phases in our evolution. This shall also pass away one day.

      And for a while, if we can free ourselves out of the elusiveness, there will come a slow clarity of where we are going.

      Thanks a lot Sree!

  7. “If all that we plan perfectly, gets missed out perfectly, then can somebody please tell us how the bloody hell life operates?”

    Awesome…!!! Perfectly Penned.. 😛

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