Having been contemplating on love relationships for quite a while now, it is hard to be here; on the grave of one of the spouses. In the last two posts, I talked about the final days of the couple together and how the hide-and-seek that death plays on each other can be intimidating for them. And here we are – at the inevitable!
From attraction to courtship, from marriage to nesting, the tale of every love relationship is long – until one of the two departs! You’ve known how strong or light this person would drink a coffee. You’ve known where to find his socks when he’s trying desperately to find it. You’ve known you can yell at this person for adding an extra pinch of salt to your meals and still feel stomach (heart)-filled by her love in it. You’ve known there is this person back at home to rant about your boss. You’ve known you can talk about your fears, your desires and your weaknesses to this one person and not care about being judged. You’ve known each other – through a long-time companionship!
And to see this person lying in a box – lifeless – could be the most depressing moment of your life! All those butterflies you had felt and the big-little fights you had were all to reach this end, after all, at the last!
According to the social readjustment rating scale, the death of the spouse is the most stress-inducing life event. While the rest of your kith and kin might have moved to places of their own living, your best half was the sole buddy who accompanied to the doctor’s office or perhaps, your decision point to buy that furniture or not. To begin to live without this person can be emotionally hard. Widowhood is not so much about missing the physical presence of the lost one as much as it is about the inability of letting go the memories of the lived life. The regrets, the guilt trips, the misgivings – if there is a time of life when apprehensions of known and unknown had to haunt you, it is now. Days may seem loaded with physical ailments, medications, dependence, weakness, insomnia and bereavement.
There is another possibility of dealing with widowhood as discussed in the previous post, The Valley of Shadow of Death. When you are emotionally mature to accept the loss of your spouse in your life, the pain you feel wouldn’t get deeper. To realize the truth that we shall not play the role of a husband or a wife forever helps us transcend our consciousness from the relationship-bound emotions. And, most importantly, the earlier in life we grow towards this emotional maturity, the merrier will be the rest of our marital days.
So, that was it!
All the cuddles, kisses, bickerings and naggings – all that were a part of a wedded couple’s life – has to find the grave one day. As a married person, what would you choose of how your marital years to be? Yes, not all of us have the privilege to make our choices or undo our choices that were already made. Yet, if anything, something or everything about your marriage is in your hands – what would you do?
The Social Readjustment Rating Scale. Thomas H. Holmes; Richard H. Rahe. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, ISSN: 0022-3999, Vol: 11, Issue: 2, P: 213-218, 1967
Other posts in the A to Z series: