A for Attraction – Why We Fall in for Who We Fall in?


Adam and Eve were attracted to each other perhaps because they had no choice. But why did you or me fall in for that one person in our lives while there were a number of other potential candidates around?

My 4-year old boy likes a girl in his class, well for two years now 😉 Once, I was kidding saying how nice another girl in his class was but he tried defending for ‘his’ girl and made sure he convinced me in his point.

Yeah, I am talking about a 4-year old!

May be we cannot equate it to a romantic love of grown-ups. However, we cannot deny the factor of attraction, regardless of the age.

The question is, why that one person!

For all one knows, it happened – attraction! If you ask yourself why it happened with that one person, you may or may not be able to precisely explain what was ‘that one thing’ which pulled you to that one person. The fact is while an attraction may spur from any levels of our personality – from our superficial senses or from some deeper layer of our consciousness – we may not necessarily be aware of the underlying connection happening between the dots.

Yet, let’s begin this series on relationships with unearthing the magic underneath, for it is what makes a strong base for love relationships. 

A Thing of Adolescence?

Back in college, a guy reasoning an attraction, to the girl’s captivating eyes or beautiful smile sounded silly to me. I perceived such emotions intense but shallow, marked by empty adolescent things and I was prejudiced then, that such attraction were illogical. The truth may be that attraction has no logic to it, but over the years, I have witnessed that the possibility of such beginnings shaping into beautiful relationships can’t be under weighed.

From Moms & Dads?

According to a psychological research, a child forms a clear perception in his sub-consciousness about the partner he/she desires by the age of eight. That is, not even anywhere close to adolescence yet!

Unbelievable, right?

Said that, the mother, the father and the bonding between them is one of the first model of a romantic relationship that our minds take a cue from. It does influence the foundation of a relationship we might get into, one day in the future. A little boy may grow up admiring something in his mother and when his sub-consciousness relates the same trait or feature in a girl, it could throw a spark in him. The same could happen with daughters from their bonding with fathers. Sometimes, I think it could be the other way too. What the little boy did not want in his future girl that he had seen in his mother, could also be a trigger. Having observed a submissive mother, if the boy looks in for courage in his future girl, a dashing personality is going to impress him.

During the early days of our relationship, I asked H why a guy of fair complexion like him would like to go with a girl of darker complexion like me. He replied that his mother is of the same skin colour as me and that he has no problem loving her, why then would it be a problem with the girl he likes to marry. That’s how, perhaps, children carry perceptions of a future partner from their filial homes.

A Mirror of Ourselves?

We certainly like to check ourselves in the mirror and there would always be a thing of likability about what we see, for the familiarity atleast, if not for the appearance. Contrary to the popular thought that unlike poles attract each other, we secretly have a likability for things that are of the same image as us. And when we spot something specific about ourselves in that one person, we fall in for it – for the familiarity, for the exciting recognition! And yes again, we wouldn’t be aware a heck of the underlying connection happening between the dots.

Common Interests?

It’s not rare that we come across romantic pairs within the same sphere of interests. A singer getting impressed with a fellow singer’s voice and a dancer falling in for a fellow dancer’s grace is again a mirror of recognizing in that person, a pursuit that’s been firing within one’s self. There’s certainly a special magic in such cases because their emotions find an intensely passionate way to express themselves. Have you ever identified one?

Life Situations?

The trajectory of our life events keep evolving us to personalities way different from how we were a few years ago. If the same person was to fall in love at different phases in life, he/she may end up with two mutually exclusive types of personalities. The other day, H and I were discussing about the two relationships director Gautham Menon has distinctly brought out in his movie, Vaaranam Aayiram. The peppy attraction in ‘Oh Shanthi Shanthi’ song and the warm, soft emotion of love in ‘Annal Maele Panni Thuli’ song are examples of how where we are in life dictate who we get attracted to.

A soul Connection?

only love is real

Sometimes, there could be an element in attraction that transcends everything we are speaking about here. For fantasy’s sake, we sometimes use the term ‘soulmates’. Despite its context of usage, I believe in the fairy tales of soulmates. I believe we travel across the oceans of time. And I believe that our heart would know them when we are with them again. Why we meet them again could be a different story altogether but when it happens, it is the mother of all ‘falling in love’ moments.

I’ve wondered at the satire behind the term, falling in love. Why was this one emotion in a person’s life strangely attached with something ‘falling’? And would we ever be able to identify what’s that ‘something’ in us which gets to fall 🙂

I’ve been there and done that! And I know how it feels to fall apart in togetherness.

Join me, tell us, this world, how it felt like falling in love with that one person in your life?

This is the first post in this series on relationships, The Mr. & The Mrs. – The Evolution! Let’s drench more in love in the coming days, as this attraction gathers momentum to make a beautiful relationship.

Header Image Credit: lifenlessons.com

One Reply to “A for Attraction – Why We Fall in for Who We Fall in?”

  1. For many it is more than one. In the west it is called playing the field to find the right one. Do we always find or we settle? In this part of the world arranged marriage is still quite in vogue. How do they know this is the one? Dowry, salary, family link, fair skin, extra income all factored in.

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