P for Pride – When my heart swelled while my head bowed down

mother and son

It’s rare but it does happen to moms once in a while! And that one little beautiful wave, occasionally, is enough to melt down thousand other motherhood guilt!

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O for Overwhelming – 10 overwhelming 'O's of my motherhood

overwhelmed mom

The first few years of motherhood is a phase of heightened emotions. It is exactly the phase when women become anxious about their career. It is exactly the phase when they are learning parenting. It is exactly the phase when they want to show love toward their parents. It is exactly the phase when they want to set smooth their relationship with their husband. It is exactly the phase when they want to rush to do everything that life had had in store all along! That’s why this phase turns out to be an overwhelming period of life, for most mothers. Having become overwhelmed of writing about motherhood for fourteen days in a row, I am going to do this post quickly tonight 😆 (Hopefully!)

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M for Melancholy – This shall also pass away

lonely-road

I wish my children to grow fast as much as I wish them to grow slow. I wish my children to become independent as much as I yearn them to be my dependents. I wish my children to fly far to explore life a much as I want them with me forever. Regardless of what I wish, the sure truth is that they will fly away from this cocooned home one day. And this feeling of sadness that’s awaiting me, is a hard reality. Melancholy – is perhaps the most heart-wrenching emotion of motherhood

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L for Liberation – From Womanhood to Motherhood

Liberated Motherhood

My blog turns 7 today, My son turns 4 today, My daughter completes 6 months today, And it has been a liberating feeling having raised the three this far! That’s the irony! In spite of the many little confinements motherhood imposes on me, I feel liberated after all!

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H for Helplessness – To see him struggle but can do nothing

mom comforting son

There was a day, when I was waiting outside his school, hearing to his continuous loud cries, praying God that it should stop sooner and controlling to prevent that drop falling off my eyes. Finally, I hurried to one corner of the campus, faced the wall to let those drops fall out. I have been with him through every second since he was born. For the first time, I wasn’t with him when he was crying. For the first time, I wasn’t helping him when he his little heart was struggling. For the first time, he must have felt bereaved by me. It was miserable! I couldn’t do anything; I felt so very helpless.

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G for Guilt – 5 killer guilts of motherhood

guilty mom

In spite of all that motherhood does to us and no matter what we do for the kids, the feeling of guilt of not doing something right or enough is inevitable to mothers. Over a chat about the series of posts on motherhood which I am doing everyday, one of my fellow mothers said, “One big suggestion, make it G for Guilt.” And I replied, “Yes, it’s already on my list.” The guilt of motherhood seems universal! It might not be identifiable outwardly. A mom might run through the day as if she has been perfect all day, however she would carry a secret guilt while watching those little faces sleep peacefully. During bedtime every night, I would ask my son, how much he had liked me that day. He would tell me honestly the good and the not-so-good things I did in the day and I would promise him that I would be all good the following day. After he dozes off, I would look at his serene sleeping face, relive the guilty moments of the day and promise myself to be a better mom the next day.

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F for Frustration – That life isn't the same after kids

Frustrated moms

Being a millennial mom, I can’t see myself as a woman who washed clothes, raised kids, fed the family and reached old age. On one side, there are these little ones who are dependent on me for a BIG everything and the other side there’s this woman in me who is trying hard to catch up with her twenty’s identity or at least a little of herself. I am not afraid of balancing both but I am afraid I can do it without letting frustration in, well at least once in a while when the threshold alarm beeps and I need to snooze it until for the next alarm.

Frustration is not just one of the emotions of motherhood; it’s like an attestation from a government gazetted officer that you went through motherhood.

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D for Disorientation – How did the cooker weight reach the lego box?

Confused mom

All of us experience continuous flow of thoughts in our heads, don’t we? When this thought process is intermitted by a phone call or a door bell, we might come back to the same line of thoughts or pick up a new one. With either, the continuity of the flow of thoughts is reclaimed. However, when attending to babies or looking after little children, especially those who are talkative, our thought process gets disturbed frequently leading to a miserable discontinuation of the flow. The demand to catch up on more than one activity at the same time, in addition to the suspended thought flow can sometimes make a mom confused (atleast, if ‘disoriented’ sounds exaggerated). Hence, when moms say that they are busy, they actually mean they are multi-tasking. When they say they don’t have time for themselves, they mean that it has been a while since they got lost in thoughts. Here’s a 10-minute example of what happened today morning.

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B for Baby Blues – Beyond Pushes & Stitches

baby blues and post partum depression

At the core of these emotional battles what makes baby blues blue, is the feeling of bereavement. It takes time to accept that the new one everyone else is happy to meet, is the same with whom you had grown a secret bond for forty weeks. It is like developing a relationship with somebody distant and when one day you happen to meet the person, it feels awfully strange. The feeling of being separated from that missing being from my bump must be what I realize now as baby blues which is an untold, unexplainable and unidentifiable emotion of new mothers.

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A for Attachment – That 'something' I wasn't prepared for!

Perhaps, this is the most intense of all the emotions I’ve experienced as a mother – Attachment! Sometimes, when I yearn for a a few hours of off from looking after them and when it does happen, I yearn to be back with them in no time. Sometimes, when I breathe a sigh of relief after they are asleep, having waited for it for several hours, all that I like to do is watch them sleep. There’s an emptiness in their absence – even while they sleep!

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