To read about how this Relationship Talk series began, visit the post Z for Zest for Camaraderie in Marriage
We have two contributors on the blog today – Christy Bharath, the newest groom in the town and Mrs. Missy (pseudo name for our anonymous contributor), a young bride married for six months now – to talk to us about their recent beginnings into married life.
Christy Bharath needs no introduction in the Indian blogosphere. He blogs at the Verseherder; I leave it to you to check for yourself what’s so beautiful about his blog. Christy is one of the fine writers I’ve come across. I’ve always admired the spontaneous flow of emotions in his words. If sometime in life you think birdwatching can be interesting, you know where to get inspiration from – yes, I told you to check for yourself!
Christy shares his experience as a newly-wed, spreading the joy of love around. Congratulations Christy, may your happily-ever-after be happy for-ever!
“I have always been that guy. Mr “Nah, Not Me, I Will Never Get Married”. I used to tell people that I was too individualistic to handle that type of systemic oppression. But the truth was that I was scared. I was afraid of making drastic changes.
In my late 30s, I was worried about getting kicked out of my comfort zones; forced to move into unfamiliar territories. Most of all, I feared the experience of love might be put through the meat grinder of mediocrity. That was my biggest fear. To discover love and to lose it, without losing the person I had found it with.
From the Series: F for Farewell – Goodbye Brahmacharyam!
A few months ago, I got married after dating someone for less than a year. On December 31, 2017, we had clinked our wineglasses and raised a toast to the start of something special. By mid-year, we had decided to get engaged. Months later, we held hands and presented ourselves as a newly-wedded couple in front of our families and friends.
From the Series: G for Grihastha – The Mr. & the Mrs.
Throughout the journey, fear was inconspicuously absent. It never showed up. It did not hide under the bed. It was not waiting in the bushes. It just went missing. Instead, other things made surprise appearances. A warm reassurance that I can love someone as much as, if not more than, I love myself. The unfiltered joy of being with someone who feels the same way. And a remarkable level of confidence that we will continue to love each other, whether the sun shines or storm clouds prey.
I suppose that some may call it beginner’s luck. But as far as I am concerned, it has nothing to do with success or failure. It has everything to do with how two people, in love with each other, are able to handle both.”
Thanks Christy! A loving note on love is what all of us – the married ones – need to hear.
Following Christy, we have Mrs. Missy, an anonymous contributor. Missy’s marriage has just crossed the honeymoon stage and she’s here to speak about the realities of marriage she has been witnessing lately.
From the Series: H for Honeymoon – The Happily Ever After
I particularly chose Missy for I know she is one of the daring and brave girls who can confront society, patriarchy – name any reason for women inequality. It is interesting to hear from a strong-willed woman about how to handle marital differences. I mean, it needs maturity to be on the line between feminism and relationships and she has said that very well here.
“For all of you who believe in a perfect marriage, It doesn’t exist….! Any marriage is a perfect amalgamation of two imperfect people, so is mine.
Like any other girl, I always dreamt about my prince charming since my childhood. I always imagined a perfect,chivalrous,impeccable man to be my better half, drawing cues from various movies and cartoons I have watched over the years. But does Mr. Perfect exist? Most of us in search of Mr. perfect or in an attempt to make our better halves the Mr. perfect we envisioned, fail to lead a happy and healthy married life post the honeymoon period. The unreasonable expectations we have turn into disappointments, which lead to bitter relationships. Are we perfect in the first place? This is something we should ask ourselves before expecting anything from our better halves.
From the Series: I for I Openings – Welcome to Reality
We always see everything only from our perspective, if we start putting ourselves into the shoes of our partners, I’m sure most of our bitter arguments could have been avoided.
I would like to give an example. I love black and in general darker shades. But my partner and family strongly feel black is inauspicious. For one of the family get togethers I chose to wear a navy blue gown. It was visibly navy blue to my eyes and that’s my favorite dress. As soon as I wore it, immediately my other half asked me change, saying it’s black and black is inauspicious. I was taken aback by his reaction. I was angry, because it was not black in the first place and it is my favourite dress. All that was running in my mind was, why can I not wear what I like. Just because I’m married to a family that feels black is inauspicious!
From the Series: J for Joust – The First Fight
Does a woman lose her freedom post wedding? I was fuming with anger, which led to a nasty argument. A couple of days post the incident, I was still upset with the fact that I couldn’t wear what I love. Then I started looking at the issue from my spouse’s perspective. He was brought up in a very conservative and an orthodox society, he is not completely responsible for how he reacted to the situation. From his point of view he was only trying to protect me from others blaming me for any mishaps that could have occured during the occasion. So I realized the problem is not with him, but the society and the people he has been raised with. He was merely trying to protect me from ill talks, dirty stares and gossips. Had I realized this earlier, I could have avoided the nasty argument. I could have instead made him understand how I feel about it, and we together could have come to some amicable solution.
I’m sure, most of us land into such situations every day, but we will all have to just pause, think and then react to the situation. I would like to conclude stating that there is no point getting upset with people or situations, because they are powerless without our reactions.”
Thanks Missy, many marital relationships sure needs to think about this reflection of your’s.
About the Relationship Talk Series
It has been my fantasy project to hear from people their first-hand emotional experiences about the evolution of their relationships because, I believe there’s a celebrity in each one of us and that all of us have stories to inspire others. And that was the notion with which I went about asking a few known and unknown persons to contribute their thoughts to this series on relationships.
To read more about how this series began, visit the post Z for Zest for Camaraderie in Marriage
More posts from the series:
You can find all the posts of the A to Z series on Marital Relationships here.