We were 20 when we met. Fresh out from college, first job, Fortune 5oo company, Hi-Tech City and international clients. One can imagine how promising our future would have seemed then. Coming from a middle-class South Indian background, my metamorphosis to a corporate professional could not have been comfortable without her. She’s known the hope and dreams I had at 20 and how through the years it were all shattered and buried, and the new stories of my newer versions – she’s known it all – Anitha!
Anitha talks on my blog today, as a part of my blog series on marital relationships. If you want to know why I am doing this, read here.
Anitha brings out the emotions of a woman being single at 37, with admirable reality, honesty and dignity. Her words are sure to take you into a surreal emotion.
“Singledom at 37 becomes boredom, just like they say too much of anything is good for nothing! Life has been a journey of I, me and myself. Life experiences have helped me grow wiser with age although a little late, (yeah, some of them the hard way!), financial independence by way of unsteady jobs until I eventually found a better one, the opportunity to travel to a few places, make new friends and let several exit my space — life is still going on about the same circle, a circle that I always wish to have a major shift to a ‘happily ever after’ ending.
What has really been fulfilling as a single woman is being able to be there for my parents witnessing the phase of their returning back to childhood sans grandkids!….I can add a combination of emojis here as I am sure they have never nor are they going to compliment me on this but only complained – a complaint that is a huge unresolved question and a question that I have constantly had mounting pressure to find an answer, not withstanding the battle of being judged by others for being single and a million other speculations. I have witnessed friends of at least two generations walk along with me right from my graduating days, start work, earn, travel, and finally settle down in matrimonial bliss.
The joy of independence during the initial years always raged with so much passion and fun to see and breath life and go about the phases that everybody had been through without realizing that the reality is different for everybody. As years passed, something started welling up deep within that which once was a lacuna in spite of having all that I wanted because I now have an urge to share all that I have gathered with a special somebody for the rest of my life — the desire to give my all, unconditionally (this word could still have several conditions attached to it! 😛 Perhaps, this would have been just the opposite years ago where I clearly wanted to receive things from that ‘somebody’ and this I consider a big transformation with age.
There is a constant search to find a strong anchor that can add more meaning to all that I still desire to achieve, celebrate me and share the joy all through my life when it has always turned out that every year it is none other than my own self within that has played the eternal anchor.
I often thought of the idea behind the lost opportunity to grow old together as a couple, a human tendency to think the grass is always greener on the other side! There was an epiphany a few years back –What I once thought of independence no longer seemed independence to me. The truth is that as kids we often found it motivating, challenging and thrilling to explore little things on our own against the wishes or warnings of our parents, for some it was also an interesting joint exploration of the world around with parents who are like-minded. When we no longer have anybody question us or our judgements, perhaps when our parents grow older or should I say as we get older and have ceased questioning ourselves or finding newer reasons behind what drives us ahead in life, we often end up looking for that someone special in our lives – the someone that can question us and propel the action for our dreams (even if sounds idiotic!).
If being in a relationship satisfies this very purpose, it turns out to be a bliss, but for some it is unfortunately suffocating due to the lack of space, so to say that this anchor could mean different things to different people and it is important to have clarity on that before deciding to commit.
Marriage is a beautiful extension of being in a happy relationship where friendship must be the foundation that can help endure the differences in opinion, provide for enough space within the relationship and sail through any hardship. The heart can only beat at that spark of love when it blossoms but it has to be the head that must sensibly think through to make things work for a successful relationship or a marriage and for that it is important to have a clear mental makeup, understanding, transparency and communication that can help make a happy marriage until death do the two apart.”
About the Relationship Talk Series
It has been my fantasy project to hear from people their first-hand emotional experiences about the evolution of their relationships because, I believe there’s a celebrity in each one of us and that all of us have stories to inspire others. And that was the notion with which I went about asking a few known and unknown persons to contribute their thoughts to this series on relationships.
More posts from the Relationship Talk series:
Keshav describes his ‘Falling in Love’ Emotion!
From Strangers to Lovers, Ananya shares her Proposal Story
Rahul opens up on the Perils of Love Marriages in India
Christy Bharath spreads some Newly-wed Love & Cheer , so does Mrs. Missy!
Anjana, Dr. Saman & Oviya tell us how their Marital Bond changed with Kids coming in
Ramesh Babu and Dr. Dipali talk to us how Marriages Metamorphize with Children entering their Teens
To read more about how this Relationship Talk Series began, visit the post Z for Zest for Camaraderie in Marriage
You can find all the posts of the A to Z series on Marital Relationships here.
Image Credit – Medical Life
Thanks for your love and time here, Anita. May the choicest desires of your heart come true this year!
A nice post. It appears that at the end of the day one has to adjust to situation they are in, whether by accident or by free will. Every situation has its advantage and limitation. I guess one has to move on, whether he / she likes it or not.
Yes, as a mother of young kids, I yearn to be in the place of a single woman – it feels liberty and privacy are eternally lost after kids. As Anitha says, the grass is always greener on the other side. Watering the grass on our side is all it takes to move on. Thanks Abhijit sir, your comments have always been valuable here.
It’s my first visit and I am glad I stumbled across – the topic you are covering is really intriguing. Keen to read more of the series. Marriage- snd happily ever after. Haven’t been able to figure out if there is really a happily ever after anchor does it always involve a companion. I loved Anita’s perspective – she does acknowledge her need for a partner but also brings to light the perils of ending up with a wrong one.
Can’t agree more. The number of married couples in dissatisfied relationships outnumber singles who wish they have a partner. The more I hear stories from couples, the more I think happily ever afters are only for fairy tales, and even in fairly tales, for the last page. Relationships, however, keep moving on and that talks about the strength which is hidden behind the scenes. Thanks for your visit, Akshata. More real-life stories are on the way. Meanwhile, do give a read to the A to Z series.
No relationship is perfect, so don’t look for perfection…just enjoy the togetherness in times of high and low, be there for each other when they need one another. In marriage, initial years are challenging and the lust keeps bonding tight and gradually love starts dwelling in the heart of two, later in life, lust subsides and love expands. Grow old together at least you will have a person whom you can call when your nest is empty.
That sums up marriage! Thanks for your thoughtful comment Ila. Glad to have you visit my blog.